Enjoy Every Moment

In my ten and a half years of motherhood, I've received one piece of advice more than any other... Enjoy Every Moment. When Elijah was born and I was looking down at his fresh, squishy face, and inhaling his intoxicating baby smell, I remember thinking "this is going to be easy, I will definitely enjoy every moment". Two days later, they kicked us out of the hospital and we were left alone with this new little life. I remember the guilt setting in at about 3 in the morning... as i looked down at my screaming angel who refused to latch on and eat or cooperate in any way with my plans to sleep - I didn't enjoy that moment.

I'm sure the people giving this advice didn't mean it as literally as I took it. I mean really, who in their right mind enjoys cleaning vomit off of every surface of a toddler's room at 4 in the morning? Or cleaning up an infant whose covered head to toe in twice their weight in poop? I can barely remember Isaac's infant stages because I honestly didn't enjoy most of it. He struggled with acid reflux for about 6 months and when he wasn't screaming, he was vomitting (I'm talking hosing me down with projectile vomit), he didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time. I definitely didn't enjoy the moments I had to lay a screaming Isaac in his crib and walk out of the house just so I could have five minutes without hearing him scream so I could regain a small piece of my sanity. So many people had told me to enjoy every moment that I surely must be doing something wrong... I was failing miserably.

It took me a long time to forgive myself and to let go of the guilt of not enjoying every moment I had with my precious children. It's unrealistic to think that we can enjoy every moment of something so intense and demanding. And if we enjoyed every moment, would we truly appreciate those sweet moments of cuddle time, or those times at the dinner table when everyone is happily discussing their day, or when your ten year old comes to you before going to bed and apologizes for being disrespectful earlier in the day? These are the moments we must cherish.

I do understand what people mean when they say "enjoy every moment"... Children grow incredibly fast and before I know it, mine will be out of my house with lives of their own (or so I've been promised).  I really don't wish away their childhood, but I will admit to fantasizing about Emma's first day of school - (the first day when all four kids will be in school).

Maybe I'm a bad mom.  Or, maybe I just believe that our purpose as parents is to raise people...people who will grow up to serve God, love others and hopefully make this ugly world just a little more beautiful.  This is a tough job.  And, as with every job, there are going to be moments that are ugly and unenjoyable - we don't dwell on these moments, we learn from them and press forward.  There are days with lots of enjoyable moments.  And then there are those days where the enjoyable moments are hiding - on these days, I'm learning that if I can't find one, I need to create one.  And if that doesn't work, it will be okay, because tomorrow is a new day!